Oh, we’re plotting alright.

There are a million billion people out there in the world right now and I’m willing to bet that today is one of their birthdays. So here’s to you, Mister one in a million billion people out there in the world right now; be glad that on this day XXX years ago your mother catapulted you out of her gaping maw and into this world. Here, have this present of not one, but two chapters of Barajou… and thank YOU for being born.

Okay, so all Evangelion-based lampooning aside, I’ll bet you’re all wondering WHY this chapter took so goddamn long to get out. It’s because we no longer have any editors. Nope, not a goddamn one. Our last dependable staffer has disappeared off the face of the planet (like so many before her) and we don’t have anyone to step up to the plate in her place. And hopefully, that’s where one of you will come in. (By which I mean plz plz plz take the editor test oh my GOD we need help.)

ANYWAY! As of this chapter we’ve changed “Anise’s” name to the official romanization of “Anis”. PROTIP: It’s pronounced Ah-nis, with a soft “A,” not a hard “A” like in “Anus,” which is pretty much the reason we changed it to begin with. But worry not, we’re gonna go and re-do the earlier chapters to reflect that change later this month to make up for not releasing anything on the 21st. (Durp durr)

Anywho, thanks for being patient (Oh god I can’t say that with a straight face…), and enjoy the new chapters. Yeah. They’re plotty… Or at least the second one is. YAY, CONFLICT. We also went ahead and re-released chapters 11 and 12 to get you started. (That brings ch.12 up to a whopping v3, lawl. OH BOY, DOES THAT EVER LOOK GOOD.)

Download Barajou no Kiss chapter 13:
Attack! ☆ My Neighbor’s Body Measurements; and
Barajou no Kiss chapter 14: Beware of Idols?!

Anyway, not to be a fear-mongerer or anything, but if we don’t get any new editors in the near future, like, REALLY near future, we’re probably going to have to shut down for a while. Both Melly and I go to work AND school full time, and neither of us really has the extra time to do too much more of this on our own, so unless we get some more hands on staff, our release rate’s gonna go down even more than it already has… and that’s saying a lot. Again, visit the forums and take the EDITOR tests if you have the time! (We’re set with typesetters for the time being. All we need right now are IMAGE EDITORS.)

Now for people asking specifically about SLH, that was one of the casualties in the hard drive bomb. I don’t know what Shouto’s problem back then was, but SLH is immensely difficult to edit, and with what free time I have, it’s gonna take a while longer.

So what we DO need right now is more people on staff! If you’ve got the patience and the time, please head over to the forum and apply for a position! I know the tests seem hard, but they’re only that way so we can get a specific idea of what you can and can’t do. Even if you think you bodged it terribly, chances are that we’ll find some work for you!

So, do YOU buy manga that you’ve read online?
The majority of you said “I only buy if I really like the manga,” with a whopping 70% of the votes. This is all sorts of cool, guys. SUPPORT THE INDUSTRY! *pumps fist* Sweet action.
24% of you said “If it’s readily available, I’ll buy it.” Also most excellent. (YOU’LL GET A MASSIVE BOOK COLLECTION, GUYS, IT’S SERIOUSLY AWESOME.)
Aaaand 6% of you said “I’ve already read it, so I don’t bother.” THAT’S 6% TOO MANY.

But anyway! If you’ll take a look at the new (POORLY DESIGNED, OKAY, OKAY, I’M SORRY ;_;) projects page, you’ll see that we’ve added ALL SORTS OF NEW STUFF! Go take a look and see if any of our new titles tickle your fancy – and tell us about it in the new poll! Or you could comment here and make a discussion out of it. That’ll be cool, too.

And with that said, we’ve also added a “Recruitment” page. Right now we’re looking for editors, type-setters, and Quality Checkers, so drop us a line over there if you think you can help out!

Edit: Removed the “Hourglass of Falces” option from the poll because, duh, it’d win by a landslide. (And it’s not technically a “new” project either, since we’ve always intended to do it.)

Yeah, it's that good. (also, CONAN dkljflakdslkjo;di)

After a slew of hosting issues, domain problems, and screwups on my end, we’ve finally got Turtle Paradise back up and running, which is pathetic since we’ve been down since November 13th. Anyway, kudos to everyone who kept up with the group at our livejournal community and offered those words of encouragement and advice, since imposing our rage on others worked for excellent stress relief. For everyone else, if the site ever goes down like it has been, the LJ community will always be online with a mirror of our releases, and it’s updated whenever something is posted (not days later). The restoration process took much, much longer than it should have, so I think we owe you guys an explanation, but I’m warning you. It’s crazy long.

ANYWAY FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND THE NEW SERVER IS CRAZY FAST ISN’T THAT COOL AHAHAHAHA

Short version: everything should be up and running smoothly, but even though I have made every effort to transfer everything as smoothly as possible, I can’t guarantee things won’t be broken here and there. So if you run across any issues, please comment to any of our posts and I will fix whatever issues arise immediately.

Now for the long version. Sometime during the night of 11/13, right after we released the newest chapter of Evangelion Datenroku, our [previous] hosting provider, Dreamhost, suspended the entire turtleparadise subdomain without warning. Lucky for us, they were stupid and left the FTP up so we were able to copy all of our files before contacting Dreamhost (for the search engines: DREAMHOST SUCKS) about our status. Turns out that someone over there had taken a look at our site and decided they didn’t like what we were posting and pulled the plug, which was a screwy move on their part. Hosting providers usually wait for a C&D (cease and desist order) before using such drastic measures, but in this case, no one even contacted them. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this since they were our host and all, but it turns out that Dreamhost pulls this crap with legit sites, too.

Anyway, it takes for-freaking-EVER to transfer 15 gigs to a computer back to a webserver, so that explains most of the wait. That, and I fubared the server so bad I didn’t think I’d be able to fix it without contacting tech support AHAHAHA OH MAN THAT SUCKED

But enough of that! Welcome back to Turtle Paradise, everyone! We’ll be back on track with our releases in a jiffy! I’LL BET YOU ALL LIKED HOW TERRIFYINGLY ANTICLIMACTIC THAT POST WAS, HUH

No trolling for you!

In our last poll, we asked readers how they felt about adding a forum for Turtle Paradise. The reactions were mixed, with 46% of voters resolving to lurk said forums, and an additional 28% in favor of the idea, leaving 21% opposed and 5% without an opinion. It’s a shame, but it looks like a forum system is unlikely, especially considering the number of people willing to participate and those opposed to the idea had only a 7% difference. Sure, you could argue that including the percentage of people in favor was technically was a whopping 74%, but without many people participating, it’s not really worth the effort, now is it? Well, who knows, we might do something like that sooner or later anyway. The past is the past, and now it’s time for our newest poll!

Should Turtle Paradise pick up the first seven volumes of Super Explosive Demon Story?
This one’s been a pretty hot topic here lately, and those in favor have been amazingly vocal (and even confrontational?! WAT) about the whole thing, but we haven’t heard a lot from everyone else regarding the matter, so now’s your chance to speak up!

Personally, I’m a little bothered by the number of people unwilling to pick up the earlier volumes that were released in English (available readily on Ebay, although I won’t be providing links because many dislike the site), but I’m also torn because those I’ve spoken to who read the CPM release say it was pretty subpar. Although it doesn’t technically hurt anyone because the volumes are out of print, it still brings to mind to the current industry issues with many people wanting too much for free. What you do on your own time is none of our business, however, I will say that when the series you download here are released in your country, please support the authors by purchasing the books! Turtle Paradise is not a replacement for the real deal!