Author Topic: I hope I'll pass the test!  (Read 741 times)

Offline Justafan

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I hope I'll pass the test!
« on: March 02, 2016, 11 AM »
I'll be pointing out the mistakes like this: =’’= if that’s ok!

Test #1, typeset comic page
Difficulty: Moderate

 (click to show/hide)

Check over the page for typos, as well as consistency and grammatical errors.
Make note of awkward-sounding passages and rephrase them if possible.

I don't know how to say where the tekst balloons are located but I'll just point out any errors and type out the full sentence with it

There's no reason why we shouldn't be able to =no just= look at this like just another one of our adventures and =no not= have some fun with...

fun? this is fun?! all =of= our armor ---- has been totally swept off (I guess it's okay to use sweeping off if it's has like been swept off by water or something into the ocean?)

like I'm trying to tell you, though= I think it sounds better without the though= , we really were looking for our stuff

i-it was their---= to get a rise out of me by insulting me!= they got what =they deserve= ---
All =of this happened= because a certain =moron= decided it would be a good idea to blow= up= the ship we were hunting pirates on to =smithereens!=
 In that balloon with ocean scenery, I’d only say scenery but i guess that’s not for me to decide
Yeah right. No waves on your = horizon=  that’s for sure (this sentence kinda sounds strange to me.. but unfortunately I don’t know how to make it sound good since it might be a proverb I that don’t know of)

Test #2, written passage
Source: Slayers: Lina and the Magic Swords-Chimera novel, excerpt from chapter 1.(Tsubasa bunko)
 (click to show/hide)

Slayers (Tsubasa Bunko) Volume 1
Lina and the Magic Chimera Swordsman

Excerpt from Chapter 1
"The gifted beautiful sorceress. Her name: Lina Inverse."
=“The beautiful and gifted sorceress, her name is Lina Inverse” (or “, Lina Inverse.”)=
The flame spell I released from my fingers =dashed =towards= its =destination, =it blasted= a swarm of bandits standing before me and the =villains= sky-high. At the behest of a local =villages= mayor, =whom =had= recently =been assaulted by the band of =thieves, = I’ve= tracked down their hidden lair, situated deep in the mountains= and enveloped by= centuries-old =rock=.
Simply finding the villain's lair =in= itself would =be= a matter of sheer =luck= for any NORMAL person.... So it's a good thing I'm not= your =average, run-=off=-the-mill girl, and "impossible" doesn't exist in my vocabulary! After all, my name just so happens to be Lina - Lina Inverse! I'm sure you've heard of me before, since I'm a pretty famous sorceress,= if I may say so myself= - I'm a =genius =in my own right, =and I’m cute to boot!= For someone so talented, such as myself,= to compare =hunting down =the thieves’ hideout=  to walking in the park is giving it way more credit than it actually deserves.
"Hah! Bandit scum! =You’ve got= some nerve trying to defy ME, the almighty Naga, the White Serpant!"
"You're 8 quadrillion years ahead of =your= time!" (This depends on the japanese so I wasn’t sure if I’d need to change ahead of to past)     
Incidentally, the black-haired girl standing by my side =was hurdling blasts of attack magic towards= Naga, the White Serpant. If you= take a look =at her pitch-black mantle and dark clothes, not to mention the skull =pendant= hanging around her neck, you'd probably be hard pressed not to see her as anything more than an evil sorceress... But in reality, she's the sort of person who enjoys making= enemies of the people around her,= and bringing dispair upon her allies. In short, she's nothing more than an exceptional=/or a total (depends on translation)= idiot.

Now, as for why such a gifted sorceress such as myself joined forces to fight alongside such an =intense(I don’t really get the picture here but I guess this is better?)=-loving blockhead....Ugh. I guess= it’s just the way things have turned out. =After all, no matter where my travels take me, =Naga is always ready =to chase right after me! Seriously, how am I supposed to do anything about that?

"How rude! I'm not =chasing you= at all! The only reason why I'm spending all of my time traveling with YOU is because I plan to strike at your weak spot when =you’re =least expecting it, and when that time comes, I, the almighty Naga, the White Serpent, shall assume the throne of the= worlds =most beautiful, gifted sorceress! Oh~ ho ho ho ho ho!" Naga cut me off in mid-thought, almost as though she could read my mind, and laughed= obnoxiously. =
......Wait, wait, she's totally convinced herself to do= it too=! Oh, wow, that's just low.

But, in any case, that's all beside the point. Back to the present, the lair we had infiltrated= originally =hid about 100 bandits, but thanks =to Naga’s and my sneak =attack, we rendered the vast majority of them unconscious, in one blow. =While doing= a quick head-count over the fallen bandits' surviving comrades, I figured =that =all we had to take care of now was about sixteen or seventeen stragglers, give or take. (I have no idea what is meant by give or take but i’m guessing that it’s jut some kind of proverb that I don’t have to correct)
Turning to Naga, I yelled, "Let's finish off the rest of these guys already and claim their treasure!" Uh, but before we go any further, I'd like to state =off= the record that we didn't accept this job JUST because we were after the bandit’s hidden treasure, or anything like that, but there's nothing wrong with giving ourselves a =tiiiiiny-tiny= reward for doing a good =deed=, right? Right.

"I hear you!" Naga= affirmatively called out=, and we both began to =cast= spells powerful enough to wipe out the rest of the bandits =at= one fell swoop – Naga= was= preparing a "Freeze Arrow" spell, and I began to cast a "Mega Brand," when suddenly....

"Hold it right there!"

A tall, blond man, the source of the cry, I thought, appeared out of nowhere and leapt between us and the bandits. By the looks of him, I figured he was a wandering swordsman, maybe somewhere around 18 years old? He was probably thinking =that= we were being assaulted by= bandits (sounds better)= and decided to come to our "rescue."

"That's as far as you go," the blond swordsman proclaimed as he strode =over and stood= before Naga and I, facing the bandits as he drew his sword. "Now =put= your tails between your legs and run home, you dirty= thieves=, and I'll spare your lives!"


Sorry, pal, but you totally just wasted a =badass= entrance.

Same as above. Look over the passage for spelling and grammatical errors, rephrase awkward sentences, etc.

okay sooo that's that :)

Offline Justafan

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Re: I hope I'll pass the test!
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2016, 02 PM »
I tried making the mistakes bold but apparently that didn't work


・*:.。. .。.:*・゜゚・* .。.:*☆HELL YEAH TURTLE PARADISE CHAT IS PERFECT☆*:.。.*・゜゚・*:.。..。.:*・

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